I am currently facing the blaring truth of this topic. I have moved around quite a bit in my life and I must say, what I was moving toward never felt tangible to me. I wanted to have that sense of belonging like this is where I am meant to be…
I haven’t found it yet.
The closest I have is this insurmountable urge to move back to Paris. That’s where I felt the most at home. Of course, I did not realize how true that was until I left and got to know myself better. After I did some soul searching it was evident that home isn’t something you find, it’s something you make.
We get so caught up nowadays with feeling secure that we made the right decision. Worrying about the car we drive or if the mortgage we agreed to is right, yet not realizing that it is all superfluous. It will take most of us a lifetime to come to terms with the fact that no amount of money can make us feel warm. There is no 401k that covers happiness. Since I have lived in a number of places so far in my life, I can speak to this. Houses aren’t homes, people are. No amount of decoration or lawn work will bring that feeling of security.
So how do I make a home? How do I find peace with not having one yet? For me, I find my peace with the uncertainty. I can’t escape it so I might as well embrace it. I mean, I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a home at all because I do have family that are very close and dear to me, they are the ones that I get homesick for, but my home– that’s different.
When I think of a place to call my home, I think of a place where I have built my own community and that I am proud to rest my head at night. I think of a place that inspires me to grow as a person and challenges the woman I already am. When I think of my home I think of a place where I will finally feel content leaving my toothbrush. I think of a place that does not exist yet because I have not made it so. This does not mean it will never exist, it just doesn’t right now- and for good reason. I can’t expect to have formed a home for myself when on the inside my morals and beliefs have been in heavy transit. I need this time of disarray to collect what really matters from the debris- and so do you.
I strongly believe we can’t find a home unless we lose ourselves in the unknown first. If we don’t, we lay dormant in someone else’s vision and risk never knowing all that our lives could become. Is this scary? Ummm, yeah. Incredibly. But the alternative is worse.
Don’t let ads or social media fool you. Just because your old friend from college got a three bedroom waterfront house doesn’t mean they have found home yet. To be fair, they might have, but there is no guarantee. I’ve noticed many people gussy up their houses more and more trying to give the illusion of satisfaction, yet they are never finished with their home improvements.
When we finally connect to our root, our own personal home chakra, that is when we are able to manifest a physical home that will please. At least, that’s my theory. There has to be an inner foundation and structure before anything worth its salt will appear in the physical world. When we find that lucky day when home is felt within our bones and is experienced with each inhale and exhale we take, then we could live in a cardboard box and feel content. It is then when we stop trying to measure up to our so-called peers and learn to enjoy the fact that we have had our home with us all along, hidden in plain sight.
The downside to this truth is that something must go away before it can come back. It must be lost before it can be found. Inevitably, this means that we will all suffer a time in our lives where nothing makes sense and we feel safe no where. We will all experience the feeling of utter confusion and fright because what we once knew is no more and what is before us is unseen. Our true home, our inner home, develops mostly out of necessity. We have to provide a level of comfort for ourselves to withstand the turbulence on the ride of life. We need to know what a strong foundation feels like.
If you are in transit, join the club. Most people are despite what it might look like. Trust in God that your home is materializing as we speak. With each lesson learned and each journey traveled you get closer and closer to your own front door. We need the peaks and valleys before we find it though. If we try to skip steps we may find ourselves standing in front of a magnificent door to a glorious house but with the wrong key in our hand. A fate worse then death. Trust the process of jumping from address to address. You are collecting all the necessary components to make your ultimate home ultimately yours. Don’t be in such a hurry to surround yourself with walls, if you aren’t careful you will build a prison.
are you home or just in a house?